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This one takes a little time to build. Thanks go to the real Jasper for not minding me publishing this and to the real Eric. I owe him some pom-poms.
You know how life can take a screaming left turn? Well, mine did, about a week ago. I’d been minding my own business, and trying to get my life turned back around after a divorce. I’d gotten my own place and was going back to college while working part time. Not bad for fifty. Oh, and I have this roommate. One of those roommates with benefits.
Well, about six months ago, he was playing on this dating site and kept taking all the funny little match tests. When Eric found one that was really good, he’d share. Mainly by hollering over his monitor that I needed to take the ‘Purity Test’ or the ‘Just how sexy are you?’ test. I got tired of taking them over his shoulder, so I finally gave in and made my own login. Did the whole thing, and put up a profile. I’ve been single for a year and figured that just maybe I might find someone more interesting than my crazy roommate.
Yeah… Right… You know those jokes they make about dating sites? Well, after a few days, I decided that most of them were true. Worse yet, I’d set my profile to ‘looking for friends, etc’. Sort of the safe option, because I figured that if someone really rolled my senses, we could negotiate for a date or something. Logical approach or so I thought. Well, this dating site has some really strange tests and how they correlate to who’s a perfect match is voodoo science as far as I am concerned. Or, maybe dart board-ology. Either way, I was getting matches that were warped. Odd. Weird. Definitely not my type. So, I walked away for a few days.
I came back to an email box full of ‘matches for Ivy’. Ivy being my nickname on the site. I went through the thirty or forty of them and found about five that I might consider. Funny part was that Eric was one of them. We laughed about that and I put him in my accepted folder just for giggles. I noticed that most of the guys I liked were similar to Eric. Not a surprise really. They were engineers, science fiction readers, alternatively religious, a good sense of humor and most of them had a broad world sense. Two of them were obviously out for the mid-twenties gal that would lay them at the drop of a hat. The other two were older than me, and we started talking. Or should I say jousting? Lots of funny quote filled conversations were emailed back and forth.
Sparks lives about fifty miles from me. He travels a lot, and we emailed back and forth when he had a connection and a chance to talk. Sweet guy. I got to meet him about a month ago. He stopped by the office and introduced himself. We chatted and then off he went. Haven’t heard from him since. Oh well. He certainly was nice enough to consider as more than just a pen pal. He liked the real me, and not just the person in the email. I’m one of those short round earth mama hippy types. In fact, my sons call me the “tree huggin’ dirt worshiper”. It fits.
Then there was Skyhawk. He came up as a match, and I sort of dismissed the profile at first. Then I started to read it and started laughing. This guy had a great sense of humor. Warped, but in a way that matched my own. I was laughing hard enough that Eric left his computer to see what was so funny.
“What are you laughing at Gwen?” he asked as he leaned over my shoulder.
“This guy’s humor is a riot,” I answered.
Eric read over my shoulder for a minute. “So, are you going to message him?” he asked.
“No. I, um… I’m just enjoying the profile facts,” I stuttered.
“Sure. Go ahead and chat with him. Just because you talk to him doesn’t mean anything. Besides, he might be a nice guy,” Eric said with that look I’ve gotten to know that means he thinks I’m avoiding something I ought to do.
“Fine!” I said. I had been thinking of talking to him, I just hadn’t made up my mind yet. Cold feet I guess. Hell, other than Eric, I hadn’t dated in thirty years. I felt just a bit rusty. Oh hell! I felt damn rusty. I waited until Eric left the room and dropped Skyhawk a hello note. I didn’t want Eric gloating. Men!
The next morning, there was a note from Skyhawk. I think he was as surprised at my email as I was for sending it. We talked about bad Sci-Fi movies, good books and music. Oh, and computers. From there, we started talking about our lives. He learned that I was divorced, had four kids and six grandchildren. I learned that he’d never been married and lived way up in the mountains off the grid.
That started a three way conversation between Eric, Skyhawk and myself. Eric is very into alternative energy. Skyhawk uses it. Lots of typing and laughing at our end. We talked about the tests that we’d taken too. One night the conversation on line got difficult to type and I gave him my phone number. It had become a rather emotional exchange, and without being able to judge voice inflection, I felt I was missing something. About three minutes later, the phone rang.
“Hello, may I speak to Ivy?” this voice asked.
“Hi canlı bahis Skyhawk, it’s nice to hear your voice,” I said.
“Oh good. I hope I dialed right. By the way, my name is Jasper.”
“Hello Jasper, I’m Gwen,” I said.
Eric had given us some space to talk, and so we did just that until about 2am. We talked about all sorts of things, including something I had suspected, but he had only mentioned in a roundabout fashion.
“Jasper, why did you get on the dating site?” I asked.
“Well, after a lifetime of being just me, I sort of got hit upside the head by the fact that I was lonely and wanted to change things,” he said.
“Change things how?” I asked.
“Well, this is real hard to admit, but…” and then there was a pause. “I’ve, umm.. I’m a virgin,” he said at last.
Talk about being able to knock me over with a feather. “Oh,” was all I could manage for a moment. “Jasper, why didn’t you ever have sex?” I asked with a thousand alternatives running through my head.
“Well, I sorta got soured on that half of the species as a young man, and then just never had time for them,” he said.
“Okay,” I said. “Eric did say that engineers, especially electrical engineers, need a whole year in college on social interaction just so that they can deal with the rest of humanity,” I said to lighten the mood. I hoped.
Jasper laughed on the other end of the line. “He’s right. By the time I thought I had time for women, I figured that I was just too old and started building walls around myself.”
“How old were you?” I asked.
“Oh, thirty, thirty-five,” he said.
“So what made you get on the website if you had decided to be a bachelor?” I asked hoping I’d get a few more details. It sounded like there was more to this than just the male equivalent to ‘my biological clock is ticking’.
“Well, I had this dream. I went to bed thinking that I really needed to change my life, and dammit, I needed help. The help showed up in the dream.”
“Okay,” I said thinking that he wasn’t the only one who’d ever had their life change because of a dream.
“In the dream, I’m standing in this tower. The tower I’d build around my whole life I guess is what it meant. This guy, I’ll call him Thor showed up. He started throwing lightning bolts and they blasted away that tower like it was nothing. Then he pointed his hammer at me and said it was time to change. Get out! Date! NOW!” he said across the phone lines.
“Oh wow,” I said. It sounded dumb, the moment it left my lips.
“Wow is right. I woke up feeling like I’d grabbed a capacitor in both hands and no place to ground the charge. I felt full of energy, and decided that just maybe I ought to give women another try,” he said.
“Okay, and is that when you signed onto the dating site?”
“No, that was a couple of days later. It took me a while to work up the courage to do it,” Jasper said.
“I understand that one. It took me a bit to actually look at other peoples profiles. Even longer to actually post to someone.”
“I was real surprised when you emailed me. Then I looked at your profile and felt intrigued.”
“Oh,” I was really glad that Jasper couldn’t see me blushing. I suddenly realized what time it was and that I had to be to work in five hours. “Jasper, I hate to go, but it is 2am, and I need to get to work. I’ve really enjoyed talking to you.”
“So have I. See you online tomorrow,” he said and hung up.
I crawled in bed and thought about our conversation. Eric had gone to bed earlier, so I didn’t have him to bounce ideas off of. Jasper wasn’t the first person I’d known who’d had a visitor. Thor, what an appropriate deity to thump an electrical engineer up side the head. I’d probably mention that to Eric in the morning. We’re both pagan, so he’d understand that bit. The virgin bit I figured I’d keep to myself for the moment. Two reasons really. First off, Jasper didn’t exactly sound too happy about the whole virginity thing. Embarrassed actually, which I could understand. Secondly, Eric’s last date about three months ago had turned out to be a twenty year old virgin. I was still teasing him about that, and did not need to invoke the karmic fates. Although, I suspected it was a little too late.
The next morning, I told Eric about most of the conversation. He just sat there and smiled.
“So, are you going out on a date?” he asked.
“Eric, the guy lives 160 miles away. It isn’t very practical. I don’t have a car at the moment and I can’t just see asking him to come all this way for a cup of coffee.”
“So, you aren’t interested in dating with a little more serious intent?” he asked.
“I never said that!” I felt myself going red. “It’s just… well… he hasn’t brought up that side of things and the last thing I want to do is presume that he’d want me.”
“Sweetie, you are a delightful armful. Shy, sweet and horny in all the right combinations. Of course he’d like to jump your bones. Just don’t talk yourself out of a date and possibly a good bahis siteleri time,” he said. This was very similar to the conversation we’d had when he came home all excited about that drummer a few months ago. The virgin.
“Well nothing. Make up your mind. He seems like a nice guy. You’ve been talking for a while. Give him a chance.”
“Okay,” I said and headed off to work.
When I got off work, there was an email from Skyhawk/Jasper. It was a sweet email that covered some of the same ground as the phone call and then some other stuff. As I was replying to his email, he was online as well and discovered the chat function in gmail. Next thing I knew, I had this flashing icon in a corner. Wow! For an electrical engineer, he had a lot to learn about modern Internet toys. We typed back and forth for over an hour. Eric came home just as I was laughing and he came around to see what was so funny.
“Oh, chatting eh?” he asked with a tease in his voice.
“Yes! Now go get your dinner. It’s in the fridge,” I said and went back to typing.
Eric went off to the kitchen, grabbed his dinner and stuck it in the microwave. When it binged, he came out to the computers and stood behind me.
“Reading over my shoulder is rude.”
“Yeah, but it saves me having to ask you all about your cyber date later,” he said with a giggle in his voice.
“You are a brat!”
“Yeah, but tell Jasper about the computer I worked on, you know, the magnetic core media works one,” he said.
“Okay, but as long as you go over to your desk,” I said as I typed.
“Alright. Have fun! And don’t forget that you have next weekend free,” he taunted.
I stuck my tongue out at him and went back to typing. Jasper and I were having a good time chatting back and forth. He was flirting nicely and I was enjoying it. He finally signed off and I got up from the computer.
“Well, did you set a date to meet?” Eric asked.
“No! Geeze, give me a chance.”
“You know you want to. So, why delay?” he asked.
“I don’t want to rush things. Besides, I don’t think he’s dated much,” I said. That was about as close to saying anything about Jasper being a virgin as I wanted to get. I didn’t need Eric teasing me, nor embarrassing Jasper. Eric means well, but some days he is a bit to blunt for everyone’s good. Even mine.
“Okay, but you know, you ought to do it. He seems a really nice guy.”
“I take it that is your seal of approval?” I asked.
“Yes. It is.” With that, Eric went back to his computer.
The next night, Jasper called again, and we talked about all sorts of things. Computers, cats, houses, wells, plants, oh, and relationships. We were both flirting this time, and he made it clear that he’d like to get to know me better. We chatted until we were both sleepy and couldn’t keep a clear thought in our heads. After the phone call ended, Eric walked over to me.
“So, when is your date?” he asked.
“There isn’t one yet.”
“You know you have the weekend free. Invite him down.”
“Umm,” I started, trying to decide if I really wanted to. Honestly I did want to meet him, but at the same time I was a bit nervous. It’s one thing to know people in person, build a relationship and then start dating. Internet dating is a whole other bird. “Fine, if he shows up online tomorrow, I’ll see if he’d like to visit,” I said.
Eric just walked away with a smile on his face.
Part of my problem was that I still wanted to confide to Eric that Jasper was a virgin and get some advice. Hell, Eric had asked me a few months back. The other part of me just was a bit nervous. New relationships and all the bits that go with them make me very unsure of myself. That whole who’d want to look at me, have sex with a granny, and all that stuff. I look in the mirror, and see someone who is fifty, gray haired and not a svelte bodied woman. Never was, but pregnancy wasn’t easy on me. In all honesty, there were days I wondered what Eric saw in me. His usual line was that my brains attracted him, and the rest of the package was just icing on the cake. Men!
As a prelude, I sent Jasper some of the erotic stories I had written. Sort of a softening up the field sort of thing. If he liked the stories, maybe it might be alright. I waited anxiously to hear back from him. So of course I didn’t hear from him for two days.
After work, I checked my email. There was a note from Jasper. More flirting, a promise of romantic seduction if given half a chance and jokes. I was halfway through a reply when the chat bubble popped up. It was Jasper. We talked about dating and about the fact that I was fifty, and that he was seven years older than me. We talked about not being skinny young things either, and Jasper said that one of his favorite painters was Rubens. That brought a smile to my face. Maybe this wouldn’t be so tough after all. We chatted a bit more and I made the leap. I asked him if he’d like to meet. The silence on the chat was deafening. It was taking him seven minutes bahis şirketleri to reply to each of my posts. I couldn’t decide if he was just slow at typing or if I was giving him heart failure. I know it was making me nervous. I’d never done anything like this before.
Finally a reply. Jasper would drive down to meet me and we’d have lunch. If all went well from there, well… yeah. I smiled, said my goodbyes and made a note on the calendar. Mr. Nosy Eric would just have to read the calendar. I barely got the cap back on the dry write marker before he noticed.
“So, the date is on Thursday?” he asked.
“Yes, and I want you to behave,” I said knowing that would be like asking my dog not to jump the fence when let out.
“Okay, I’ll even bathe,” Eric said with a grin on his face. He got up from his computer and gave me a big hug. “See, you can do it.”
“He’s just having lunch,” I started.
“And then if all goes well and neither one of us thinks the other is hideous, we might spend the evening together,” I finished.
“Good,” he said and went back to his computer with a smile. “Have you decided to have him stay here or will you check into a motel?”
“Well? Which one? I want to know so that I can make sure the bedroom is decent and that Eileen’s room is clean enough to sleep in”
“Oh, hadn’t thought of that,” I said. Eileen is Eric’s daughter who splits her week between her dad and her mom, the biological thingy. Eileen wouldn’t be here Thursday night, so if we wanted, Eric could sleep in her room and give us the bed.
“And, have you decided which one of you is buying condoms?”
“No! We haven’t discussed that yet. Good grief! I haven’t even met him yet and you…” I stopped, realizing that Eric was being practical and I was letting my nerves get the best of me. “We haven’t discussed it yet, and I’ll do so next time we talk. Sorry Eric,” I said.
Eric walked over and gave me a hug. I wasn’t ready to explain that with Jasper being a virgin, and a rather anxious one, that I wasn’t sure he even knew the right size condom to buy. Or, if we would even need them. There was just too much up in the air.
“Don’t forget that you will need to explain our relationship to Jasper,” Eric said as we headed off to bed a few minutes later.
“I haven’t. I did a bit on the phone the other night by saying that I would never marry again, while lovers were definitely on the agenda.”
“Yes, but that isn’t the same as saying you have a lover or friend with benefits that doesn’t mind if you date other people,” Eric said turning down the covers.
“I know. This is all moving so fast that I just haven’t had enough time to explain everything. That’s why I want you here when he arrives. This way you aren’t some nebulous person in the background that he’s talked to on the phone a time or two.”
“I can understand that. Just don’t forget to explain. Having a lover or friend in the background may scare him off otherwise,” said Eric.
“I know,” I said as we cuddled under the covers. I still wanted to ask Eric how to deal with a virgin, but had no way to do so without giving away Jasper’s secret. I kept trying to figure out how to do so as I fell asleep.
Thursday arrived way too soon. It had snowed the night before, and I was afraid that Jasper wouldn’t be able to drive down here. He had at least one pass to contend with and in bad weather, I wasn’t sure if that would stop him or not. I’d cleaned house as best I could, which is a loosing battle with snow and dogs. When I got up that morning, I wasn’t sure if I should change the sheets or not. Hell, I didn’t know if this would go past lunch. I was pinging. At one point, Eric hugged me in that ‘I’m going to ground all this energy’ type hug.
“Have you checked your email today?” he asked.
“No, been too busy,” I said as I ran over to the computer. Duh,… of course Jasper would email me if he was stuck, or he’d call. I pulled up my email, and there was a note from him. I read it, smiled and went back to cleaning house.
“Well, what did he say?” Eric asked.
“He said he was just about to leave, asked if I liked chocolates and did he need to pick up condoms,” I said as nonchalantly as I could.
“Sweetie, any man who is bringing you chocolates and asks if he needs condoms isn’t planning to leave after a cup of coffee,” he said.
“But, he’s never seen me and,” I started. I was beginning to wonder which one of us was really the virgin.
“Gwen, you are beautiful. He’d be silly to turn you down. So, relax and get ready for your boyfriend. Do we need to strip the bed?” he asked as he headed towards the kitchen.
“No, he said we’d head to a hotel room if I didn’t mind.”
“Okay, but remember, for future dates, my offer stands,” he said.
I didn’t even bother to reply. He was so sure that this would end up with Jasper and I in bed, that I just gave up. I figured we would, but I didn’t want to tempt the fates. I was beginning to think I already had with teasing Eric so much about his virgin drummer.
I got the last of the stuff I wanted cleaned and taken care of when the phone rang. Eric answered it, smiled and handed me the phone.
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