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~ Ice Queen ~

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~ Ice Queen ~”Claire, please!” Jim whines pathetically.I throw him a dirty look and, like a dog trained to obey, he shuts up. The bastard has been sleeping around behind my back.I feel angry. Angry at myself at not being able to hold onto him. Frustrated too, because he could’ve slept with any of my friends all these months.And sad because of my own…incompetence.I have to get rid of him before he makes a scene.”You know what?” he says angrily. “You’re just a frigid bitch!”That’s it.I stamp on his right foot. He howls in pain and hops around madly. I shove him back. With a foot out of duty, he lands flat with a satisfying thud. He’s still howling as I enter the cafeteria.My girlfriends greet me. I greet them back with a smile, all the while boiling with a rage inside, wondering which of these two-faced bitches slept with my boyfriend all along.*My brother used to say that you could tell a lot about people just by looking into their eyes — their emotions, their thoughts, their evasions, their lies. It’s a window to their soul. By the senior year, I had figured out almost everyone. The nerds, the jocks, the princesses, the so-called upper class, the so-called lower class — no one escaped my scrutiny.I see lust in Jim’s. It’s not a bad thing, but seeing it all the time is disheartening. I didn’t know how long I could resist. One day, I would’ve caved in and given myself away. I needed an excuse to break up with him, and he gave it to me on a silver platter.My girlfriends — lying, conniving bitches, all of them — aren’t what I’d consider as my friends. Given a chance, any of them will stab me in the back and bring me down.Then kocaeli escort there’s Dan Warner and his group. They look so…happy, so carefree and honest. I can’t chat with my friends in the cafeteria without being interrupted by their howls of laughter. I’ve never seen so much liveliness clustered in a single place. How I wish I could shut them up for good.Then there’s this new guy.He’s a mystery.I’ve interacted once with him on his first day. I wish I had behaved better, instead showing off my bitch persona. He didn’t deserve it.He uses aloofness on the exterior as a shield. Underneath his liquid brown eyes, there’s a hint of sadness. Something that was happy, but a long time ago. A part of his real self emerges when he laughs without a care, but the sadness…it remains. In time, I’ll figure him out too.In the meantime, I have other priorities to deal with.The news of my break-up will spread out like wildfire. Guys will mill around to fill the vacancy, but I’ll pretend to be depressed about it. Hopefully, I can last through the rest of the school session without having to keep someone for company.Luckily for me, school ends today without another incident. I race back home and fall face first flat on my bed. My head throbs. My phone rings just then, making in groan in frustration. Contemplating suicide seems like a very viable option at this moment.I look at the screen, and my headache disappears just as quickly.”Joyce…””Is Claire Bennet dead?”For the first time in several hours, I laugh. And admittedly, it feels good.”She’s close to that stage.””What happened?””Don’t ask,” I reply konya escort glumly. She has her own problems. Letting her worry about my crap is the last thing I want.”It’s Jim, isn’t it?”Damn. There isn’t a single thing I can hide from her. Somehow, sitting hundreds of miles away, she can always read my mind.I sigh. “Yes.””Do you want to talk?” she asks.”No. Yes. I-I don’t know.”Joyce is the only sane thing left in my life. With her, I can lower my walls and be myself. I laugh, cry and snort freely. She never judges me. I really wish I could be with her right now.”Okay, tell me this — did you break up with him?””Yes, of course I did.”She breathes out a sigh of relief. “About time you got rid of that leech.””Leech?” I ask, grinning. “You thought he was a leech?””Yes,” she states firmly, “an emotional leech that needed to be taken care of sooner. Seriously, I don’t know how you stood him all this time.””Joyce, I don’t want to talk about him anymore,” I say softly. “Tell me what’s up with you? What did the doctor say?””Oh,” she falters at the sudden change of topic. “Dee gave me the permission to do light physical activities. I can now run for five and a half minutes straight without feeling dizzy or nauseous.””Wow,” I say, “that is good news!””And Dad said he’ll let me join college if I get well enough!”Joyce was diagnosed with a rare cerebral disease at birth. She used to have irregular fainting spells. Other than walking and physical activities that required little to no exertions, she was restricted to the confines of her house and its four walls.Her Dad, my Uncle, did everything he could to make escort bayan life easier for his only daughter. Home schooling, physiotherapy and what not. She has no social life, but she didn’t let it hinder her faith that she’d be able to live a normal life someday. She has shown good signs of recovery of late. I hope she can attend college next year like she always wanted to.”Make sure you learn some kung-fu,” I say, “for you’ll have to defend yourself from the lust-crazed guys in college.””Oh, puh-lease!” she says bashfully. “I’m sure they’ll find someone who’s more beautiful and doesn’t stammer.””No, they won’t,” I say firmly.Inferiority complex is another drawback my cousin has. If only she knew how beautiful she is.”Gee! You’re too good for my ego.” She giggles. “I think I’ll k**nap you someday and stuff you in my trunk.””Oh, that’ll be wonderful!” I exclaim. “At least, I won’t have to deal with the professional nuts in my house.”My cousin ends in a fit of hysterical laughter. She’s amused by how much I hate my parents, and I use the fact mercilessly, just to hear the sound of her laughing.”Okay, Claire, it’s time for me to go. I’ll call you later, okay?””Make sure you have my k**napping trunk ready, and make it comfy too.”She laughs. “Of course, I will. Take care, Sweets.””You too.”And with that, she ends the call.I keep the speaker close to my ears, not wanting the feeling of euphoria to stop. But like all good things that come to an end, the reality dawns over me. Taking a hard swallow, I close the screen and set my phone aside.A few years ago, I tried to commit suicide but I chickened out at the sight of the blade. As soon as Joyce heard about it, she flew all the way over just to see me.She said nothing, preferring to hold me in her warm embrace. I bawled like a baby for the first time after my brother died. I don’t remember how long because I cried myself to sleep in her arms.

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